I have to admit I am not great at social media. I can do facebook – just. I can’t understand twitter and Instagram is a complete mystery. I find IG totally bewildering, but I have tried to use it, particularly as I am in touch with one or two friends solely on that platform. I am also in touch with a lot of anti-gambling organisations – or rather organisations which are anti-gambling advertising, mainly other problem gamblers and the families of those who have lost loved ones to gambling.
Personally, I have never been so low that I have seriously considered ending my life. My lowest point in gambling (when I contacted Gamblers’ Anonymous) was when I realised that if I continued, I was going to lose everything and probably have to live on the streets. I guess that would be a death sentence. The average life expectancy of someone homeless in the UK was 47 and that was a figure arrived at over 10 years ago. Things are probably even worse now. I admit I felt closer to ending it all when I was in constant pain due to IBS during the lockdown, but happily things have turned around on that front. Well worth remembering, some setbacks can be temporary, suicide is ALWAYS permanent.
Recently, I decided to try and use Instagram to cover seven points that I felt feeling so low could teach you. Some of this is based on the writings of Vicktor Frankl – the author of “Mans’ search for Meaning” the best book about surviving in the most difficult of circumstances (the nazi concentration camps) I have ever read. Another source was the book “Transforming Depression” by David H Rosen, where the author coins the term “egocide” which I took to mean, rather than killing off our whole being, killing off what we identify as; in this case “a compulsive gambler.”
So I posted on Instagram over 7 days with a photograph illustrating (as best I could) some of the points made. I got a few likes from friends and one or two likes from strangers. I don’t think it made much difference to the world – so I am reposting it here (with a few amendments.) Use it as you see fit.
1: You are willing to give up your whole life for gambling, but it doesn’t need to be that way. It is not your whole life you wish to end but the life you have now. There is another way.
2: Do whatever it takes to get support. If you are willing to end it all then you can make the time to make the present better. Phone the Samaritans if you need to. Look into Gamblers’ Anonymous and Gamcare and make that call.
3: Concentrate on what you want from life – if you weren’t gambling what would your life look like and how can you make that happen? Take advantage of the free support that is out there for you.
4: What did you give up for gambling? Think back to what gave you pleasure then which you are no longer doing because you spend so much of your time and money on gambling. For me it was cycling and music … what was it for you?
5: What things would you like to take up if your life was not consumed by gambling? For me it was dancing and travel. Do it. It’s difficult to dance and gamble at the same time believe me!
6: You were thinking of making the most major change that anyone can make – ending life itself. So what changes can you make to make gambling more difficult. Move house, move country, cut off all social media – even the whole internet. Think about it – it might seem a big deal but ending your life is a far bigger one.
7: When the time feels right – look into what caused you to get into gambling, what was the trigger and what was gambling a cover for. You may need to work with a counsellor or investigate self-help tools such as co-counselling. Don’t end your life – change it.
If I had to add anything now it would be this:
8) Learn to love yourself. You probably don’t yet love the part of yourself that gambles, but try and remember that this part is not the whole of you, and it is the behaviour that you don’t love – not the person behind it. If loving yourself is still tough … learn to at least like yourself and the longer you stop gambling the more you can like yourself for achieving a difficult task.
As I said, I had very little response to the messages. Probably because I am not well versed in how IG works. I hope to do a bit better here. If you know anyone who is suffering because of their gambling, please pass this onto them in some way. And to anyone who is finding it hard to stop or to stay stopped, get in touch and I will try and help the best I can. Steev@newlifesteev.com
