In short:
- Community plays a pivotal role in recovery from addiction.
- Staying connected is vital for solo travelers to combat isolation and maintain mental well-being.
- Social media, local meetups, and networks like Couchsurfing can help build meaningful relationships while on the road.
- Community provides not just support but also a sense of belonging, making travel and recovery more fulfilling.
How important is being in community for mental health?
I think this is an issue for all travellers, especially solos; also for people recovering from addiction – so a double whammy for me. In this article I am going to look at community from both perspectives:
The need for community in recovery from addictive behaviours.
There was a famous TED talk given about a decade ago – and which can still be accessed on YouTube – from a British journalist Johann Hari, see here. In it he said that the opposite of addiction was connection and he suggested that the reason some people get addicted and others don’t is that they are not connected to a community.
I was quite taken with this explanation as I am an introvert and wasn’t part of any groups when I began my gambling as a teenager. Although I was dating and subsequently married in my late teens and early 20s, I did keep things from my wife and I didn’t really have many friends of my own, so that when we split up I lost not only her but my friendship group as well.
But, although this is true for me, I can see that it’s not the case for other compulsive gamblers – some of whom were very well connected to sports groups, bands etc. Also gambling (and other addictions) does not have to be a solitary experience. At one of the worst periods of my gambling I made a couple of gambling friends and even socialised away from gambling with one of them. I am sure you are all aware of communal drinkers in the local park – or couples who get drunk together.
Rather than trying to isolate myself, my gambling was about escapism and also (I have since learned) about passive participation. It doesn’t take much effort to gamble, whereas to do other things I loved to do at that time (writing and playing the piano) took an enormous amount of concentration and effort which I soon tired of. (I now notice this when I am writing these blog posts – how easily I can go to another type of passive participation which is social media.)
But back to lack of community. The main way out of my compulsive gambling was to connect, and to connect in a deeper way than surface friendships. In my case this was Co-counselling and the 12 Step group, Gamblers’ Anonymous. I joined both around the same time and I don’t know if it’s a particular trait with me, but I couldn’t just stay as a member of these communities but had to take a role within them. For Co-counselling I became a teacher of others and for GA that led to me taking various positions within the organisation culminating in becoming the National Secretary.
Great that I was an active member of both communities, but the crash came when I succumbed to the stress of all I was doing (as well as working full-time and studying for an Open University degree) and I began to gamble again. I soon ‘confessed’ but found I had little support from GA (I think they found it a little embarrassing to be honest) and so I left them and relied on Co-counselling as my ‘therapy’ from then on.
Co-counselling has been a powerful anchor and one which is acceptable to walk away from if need be, which I have on occasions. The fact that I have no family means that I consider some of the members of the community as my family of choice and feel a good connection, although I am aware that most people do have family and lots of connections with others, so that I may only be a small part of their whole tribe.
The Need for Community as a full-time traveller.
How do I keep up community as a solo traveller? The answer is Social Media. This is a lifeline for me as I try to post on Facebook every day and have alerted 3 or 4 friends that if I don’t post 4 days running (without prior warning) then they are to try and message me in some other manner. If that doesn’t work, then I have asked them to contact my host at wherever I am staying. I also use WhatsApp to keep in touch with some people who are not on Facebook and to remind them of my existence. I’m very aware that I need to be the one in contact as ‘out of sight, out of mind’ is real. Of course, this blog and the associated newsletter are also ways to connect and I am grateful to you all for being with me on this journey.
I am also a member of several Facebook groups, such as those for travellers like Senior Nomads and Full-time travellers and of ex-pat or holidaying groups for the cities or countries I am staying in. This occasionally results in me being able to meet people in real-life while on the road and I have met several fellow travellers in places such as Thessaloniki, Vienna and Zagreb.
I am also a member of the couch-surfing network, and although I have never used the site to stay with anyone (and obviously not having a home rules out being able to host), I have been able to meet people either individuals (in Bilbao and Palermo, Sicily) and through gatherings such as language exchanges in places such as Brest, France and Ljubljana, Slovenia.
Meeting people in person has been great and an extra bonus on my journey through Europe, exchanging stories, getting tips on places to go and learning maybe what not to do in certain places. I have also been recommended places to stay in some cities and have returned the favour on more than one occasion.
Another thing in my favour is that I am male and a social drinker. I specify male as I know as a man it is easier to enter a bar anywhere in Europe, whereas as a female this can be frowned on in some cultures, (although not everywhere, as my stay in Spain has proved.) Coffee shops can be an alternative, and the full-time travel coach Heather Markel mentions this in her recent podcast that you can listen to here. The only downside to trying to meet people in bars is the risk of being bought drinks to such a point that you are incapable, and then being taken advantage of. I have not had this happen to me (I am very careful with this) but I did witness something similar happen to another tourist in Osnabruck, Germany and although I tried to intervene, I was warned off by the locals and I didn’t feel my non-existent German would get me very far with the police. I do hope the (rather large) chap concerned was able to look after himself.
But on the other side – I have had many good experiences in local bars, particularly in Germany and Austria where other men are really sociable (although football is the main topic of conversation.) The differences in drinking culture across Europe might well be the subject of another blog post.
Conclusion: The Lifeline of Community for Mental Health.
Staying connected is vital for me, and as you can see, something I actively work on. My travels are not about escaping but about exploring the world while building meaningful connections with others who share that passion. Whether through online communities, in-person meetups, or spontaneous encounters, I strive to maintain a balance between independence and community.
