Like most people, these first few days in January encourage me to look at my plans for the year and think ahead. I have drawn up a rough guide of where I want to be travel-wise (more of France, then Spain and Portugal.) As well as thinking about new experiences I want to try, I was going to come up with a list of 52 new experiences – one for each week. I struggled to think of one for each month. Most of the things I want to do in life I have already tried. Yes, I could go sky-diving, but I don’t really want to do it!
So, in the end I came up with a list of 52 things to treat myself to this year. I’m not sure all of them will happen, particularly the ones that involve food and drink – as my stomach has a mind of its own (as it showed last year.)
That “not knowing” made me think a little about the gambling I was doing and how I thought I could foresee the future. I know when I had my spell of relapsing, I often had the thought that, “oh well I will just have to work harder to pay this off,” in my head, as if working harder was always going to be an option. Of course, eventually it wasn’t. In 2005, after the breakup of my marriage, I had to take time off with depression. I also had to stop teaching in the evenings and to cut the heavy workload which was partly due to my compulsive nature, and partly due to the need to earn money to pay the credit card bills.
When I hear other gamblers saying, “oh well if I work hard over the next 3 years, I can pay all my debts off,” I feel I want to scream “YOU DON’T KNOW THAT!” Don’t assume that because you have been able to do it in the past you will be able to do it in the future. One of the things about not risking our wealth is to have security for ourselves and our families, because we can’t predict things. We don’t know what the economy is going to do, what our personal circumstances will be, the needs of our loved ones. Even when good things happen, like my falling in love with a Brazilian woman, it can lead to a whole heap of expense which was not planned for.
Of course, long-term planning does not go with compulsive gambling. Even those of us who may start with a “gambling plan,” abandon it as soon as the compulsion to place just one more bet takes us over.
I’m also aware of how the thrill of taking risks with our wealth is seen as acceptable in our society. Films like Casino Royale and The Sting have not helped. Gambling, like some forms of investing or even entrepreneurship, is seen as more virile than simply salting money away. That adds to a myth that we buy into, “I’m more of a man,” (it tends to be men,) “because I have bet all the money I have on red coming up – even money I can’t afford to lose”. Stating that I have put all my excess wealth in a safe, interest-bearing savings account just doesn’t compare. The reality is that not taking risks is less stressful and meets the needs of our loved ones and ourselves without anxiety.
The worry and anxiety can have effects beyond the obvious mental turmoil that it causes. I am not the only problem gambler who has severe abdominal problems and current research tends to see this as a link. There is also an association between gambling and binge drinking, smoking and an unhealthy diet, in short when we are gambling, we don’t look after ourselves – we place our health on the line as well.
And our potential for further earnings. I think when I was “in action” I didn’t notice the effect my gambling was having on my work performance, but I think it was noticed by colleagues and bosses. It is hard to keep one’s focus in a job interview when getting the job might make the difference between being able to pay off debts in 3 years or 30. Not being able to afford the interview suit, or looking unkempt because I put gambling before having the great haircut (and not planning it into my week) doesn’t help either.
Planning. I think that was where I started on this ramble. Planning for the New Year. So apart from travel and treats, the other two things that will be important in 2020 are getting an income and learning a language. The two are connected in that I have started English teaching on-line, with Cambly, (more in a future post) and I have been humbled by how much progress some of my students have made in the months and years they have been studying. I have been putting an hour a day into learning French and I still don’t feel I can make myself understood. I know I need to talk more and so one of my goals is to set up 2 hours a week talking in French and Portuguese as well as having face-to-face lessons (either at a school or on Skype.) It is stuff like this – having a goal and planning strategies to achieve it – which were lost when I was in gambling purgatory. I learnt a lot in 2019 when my goal was to sell my house, give away my book stock, put stuff into storage and travel. That goal was accomplished – I trust my next one will be too and that I will be able to converse with the natives when I get to my final destination of the year: Portugal.
Top Photograph credit to Kelly Sikkema via Unsplash.
