I know that Frank Sinatra sings, “regrets I have a few, but then again too few to mention.” Well, I can’t say I’m with him on that one. I have a lot of regrets in my life – but the biggest one must be the amount of time and money I have lost to gambling. So, wanting to turn things into a positive post, I thought I would look at what I learnt from the experience of being a gambling addict and how I subsequently used that to change my life. Here are my six learnings from being a compulsive gambler.
#1. Acknowledging and working with the “Angel versus Devil Syndrome.”
Most gamblers will know what I mean by this. You can be on the bus or just walking to the shops and you see a place that is triggering for you, (an arcade for me, betting shop for many) and then there is the tussle within yourself. The ‘devil’ trying his best to pull you in there and the better part of yourself, the ‘angel,’ coming up with all the reasons why you shouldn’t. This was even worse for me after I had started recovery, because I felt I had more to lose in terms of self-respect and esteem. I was regularly immobilised by this – spending up to an hour or more in this internal dialogue with myself. Now when it happens, (usually around shopping!) I notice it happening and I cut it short. First, I first ask myself if I need or just want the thing or experience in question. If I need it I buy it. If I only want it, then I usually walk away, although sometimes I will check out how I would feel if I don’t get it now and then had to come back. Then sometimes I go for it. I accept that I won’t always get it right.
But it does help my mental health to get all these thoughts out of the way quite quickly and in the long run saves me time. Which takes me into …
#2. I have learnt to manage on very little and have a frugal lifestyle.
I think I posted once before about the ‘income determining hierarchy for eating out.’ So for those at the top it is fine dining, then “ordinary restaurants” then cafes and fast foods, then chippies and sandwich shops. For me it would be buying the cheapest thing I could find in the “reduced now” section of a supermarket and eating it on a park bench – regardless of whether the items go together or not (I remember cold cocktail sausages with beetroot coleslaw!)
But it has been a good learning on the whole – especially in the area of clothing as there is a limit as to how much I can carry on my nomadic lifestyle. I have upgraded to the cafe scene (I am not a lover of fast food) and occasionally here in Portugal, (where things are cheaper,) I even dine out in a restaurant; but I know I could go back to where I was without too much trouble.
I guess I am saying I am not too proud to be slumming it if need be and that was something that I had to learn to do when I was gambling full on.
#4. That time is valuable …
When I stopped gambling I was able to slow down the drain on my earnings but not stop it – because of all the interest payments I was making on my debts. What I couldn’t do was to get back time.
I have mentioned elsewhere that the time that’s lost is not just the time spent gambling, it’s the time that is wasted raising the money for gambling, extra hours worked (and for me this was a lot and is still happening!) The hours spent working out budgets, applying for loans, trying to be creative with credit cards, finding the cheapest deals. The hours spent in the GA rooms (not wasted – but let’s face it, not needed if I hadn’t gambled in the first place!) But spending so much time in the windowless, clock-less caverns of flashing lights and nonsensical tunes is what depresses me the most. I could have been enjoying walks in the woods or travelling to beaches or art galleries. Now, I really think about how I spend my time and notice if I am wasting it on things which don’t really matter. I still have problems with facebook and watching rubbish videos. But then all work and no play …
It is very unlikely, but I may be rich one day. I will never ever get that time back.
Learning #5. The power of persistence.
This is an actual example of the power of persistence as Word has lost this draft twice now, but I digress.
Of course as most gamblers will tell you, wild horses and concerned friends will not drag you away from a machine when you are in action (not that horses ever tried and the concerned friend only got the chance once!) I know that I can be persistent from all the times that I have kept up with things, some of them for years. I was speaking to my Portuguese learning partner today and she pointed out that we have been speaking once or twice a week now for almost 2 years, yet it seems like just months ago to me. However, saying that, I am not sure that I am making that much progress in Portuguese!
Being persistent has not only been something that has been useful in learning a language – there is the blog and ensuring that I at least write every day (well almost!) There has been the more important issue of my bowel health and pursuing every idea to keep the pain at bay and allow me to keep travelling. I guess the travelling itself is an example of persistence as I need to plan out beforehand where I am going to be that is right for my condition, and to work hard at finding the right routes to make sure I can get to them.
Learning #6. I don’t have to hurt myself any more.
When my second marriage ended, I had a strong urge to go on a gambling binge. I hadn’t gambled at all whilst we were together, as I knew that once I started it would be hard for me to stop. I didn’t want to inflict that on her. When we split, that reason was taken away, but I did step back and think about who would be hurting if I did go back to gambling and realised that that person would be me. As I was down enough, it seemed stupid to compound the hurt by gambling again.
It is interesting to reflect that most of the pain I have received has been self-inflicted … gambling, my past (and perhaps present) poor diet has contributed to my bowel pain. Making poor relationship choices has contributed to my emotional pain. It doesn’t have to be that way. Now I look at what brings me joy on a regular basis and ensure that I have these things in my life. So dancing, walking (especially in countryside,) comedy; both watching and sharing jokes, are all things that I try and incorporate into my life daily.
So there you have it. Obviously this is a personal post and I don’t expect that other recovering gamblers have the same viewpoint. I do think it is important to try and extract something positive from the experience and to remind myself that I am still here and enjoying life and I can only wish the same will happen for others.
I would be interested to hear of other peoples’ experiences – so feel free to message me or drop a comment below.
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