Talk. We all do it, but perhaps those of us with a gambling problem don’t do enough of it.
How many people in casinos do you see actually chatting?
There certainly wouldn’t be any meaningful talk.
When I was in action – I didn’t want anyone to interrupt me for any reason. I just wanted to be playing and I didn’t want anyone interrupting me, giving me advice or (God forbid) telling me to stop!
When I started recovery – it really started with talk. I finally admitted that I had a gambling problem within a co-counselling session. That led to me making a phone call to Gamblers’ Anonymous and then going to a meeting – which led to several meetings, counselling and co-counselling sessions.
More recently I have been on online forums, chat rooms, listened to podcasts and have “talked” to other people with a gambling problem on Facebook and Instagram. Now I am writing my story on my own blog.
.
One of the main reasons for talking is to overcome shame. I thought of gambling as my “dirty little secret” and didn’t want anyone to know. It also went against my own self-image as someone who was sensible, reliable and intelligent. Putting all my available cash into slot machines was not something I wanted my friends and colleagues to know about.
Another reason for talking is to share. It is a very lonely addiction – not something that is done with others – and I wanted other problem gamblers to know that I was just like them. Talking about gambling recovery and the problems that are caused by temptations and urges – is one of the ways of preventing a relapse into action. If others, who are struggling with this behaviour, could see how I was coping, it might help them with their own recovery.
Helping those without the behaviour to make sense of it all, is a third reason for talking. I feel that people don’t see gambling addiction. It isn’t obvious in the way that drug or alcohol addiction is (for most.) Never having any money, whilst working several jobs and being well-paid should have been clues to people but I don’t think many of my friends or colleagues saw that. I was also told that addiction to slot machines was fairly harmless, because people cannot lose that much. I hope that my story has disabused people of that myth.
So where can you talk if you are trying to maintain your recovery. When I first stopped gambling, (I had several attempts) there really was only 2 options – face to face at meetings such as Gamblers’ Anonymous – or telephone helplines. Nowadays there are a plethora of possibilities. Online has not only made access to gambling easier, it has made access to the recovery from problem gambling easier, with on-line forums, chatrooms, social media sites and of course, blogs such as this one!
But the old methods still exist – and I feel that there is a lot to be said for getting to meet other recovering gamblers in your own area. They will know where there is local help for things such as debt recovery or counselling. They will also be able to look out for you if you are in a place that might be tempting you back to gambling, (in my case an arcade or pub with lots of machines!)
They may also work as a support group and social hub – so useful for gamblers like myself who felt isolated when my prop of the slot machine had been taken away.
But I accept that it is often easier to get support from home. Not all problem gamblers have access to meetings often held in an evening. There may be childcare or transport issues. Some people don’t feel safe accessing a meeting which maybe in a strange part of town or even a different town altogether. So now there are options of “virtual meetings” on-line. These may be in chatrooms which are text only, but more and more organisations are using technology such as Skype and Zoom to allow participants to see each other and interact in a more visual way.
These ways of getting into virtual chat can be accessed from specific sites on the internet such as SMART recovery – which whilst working with all kinds of “addictions” does have an area specific to gambling.
There are also on-line Gamblers’ Anonymous meetings which can be access from their website or from dedicated Facebook groups.
For those who do not want to be visual but are happy to talk to people via web chat and forums there are even more options. Again, it may be useful to look for a local resource as people will be able to give advice tailored to the local area. In the UK there are several such websites, the most well-known being Gamcare – which offers both a forum and a chat area as well as one-to-one advice via email and text. (Gamcare also offers telephone support and has a counselling service which problem gamblers in the UK can access for free.) This type of support, (though usually not as wide-ranging) is mirrored in many other countries – for example Gamhelp in Kenya – and in the US in some states such as Delaware.
There is one website which has set up as an international resource. Gambling Therapy which is part of the Gordon Moody Association is based in the UK but is aimed at problem gamblers who are not resident in England, Wales or Scotland (which is Gamcare’s remit) The GT site has 4 strings – an information hub, a forum (for both gamblers and the friends and families of those with a gambling problem.) A 1-2-1 advice service and support groups – basically a chatroom facility which is usually open to all users of the site but is occasionally facilitated. I know the site offers support in various languages including Spanish, Italian and Russian and is looking to expand its range of services. Signposting people to resources in their own communities is a major part of their remit – but then not all countries have resources to refer to. Something which I hope to take up in a future blog post.
Although it is great to get support and help from professional advisors and counsellors and be challenged and supported by other people who are going through the same process of recovery, the most important people we need to talk to are those closest to us.
The shame that I felt is a common component of problem gambling. In my case, when I was in action, I had no-one close that I needed to lie to, but often when gamblers are in a relationship it is difficult to come clean. Either there is a sense that if I admit to gambling, I won’t be able to “get away with it” anymore – or else (especially if this is a relapse) there is a worry that the partner will not put up with this any-more and may leave.
When I have been asked by other gamblers, should I tell my spouse or loved ones – I tell them that it is a difficult decision that only they can make. Getting support beforehand from a counsellor or a third party may be useful. Asking them to read up on the behaviour so that they can see that the gambler is not totally in control and does need support may help. There are sites that support families and friends, which is so important as they need recovery too. The site which is affiliated to GA is Gamanon, and Gambling Therapy and Gamcare (as well as most others will have a families and friends section. I also put to other gamblers who ask, “what would happen if your partner found out that you had been gambling and hadn’t told them.” I know what hurts loved ones almost as much as the financial hit from the gambling, is the lack of the trust. Is being lied to.
So, talk is needed in recovery. Being able to ask for help with this difficult to manage behaviour. The good news is that there are lots of outlets out there for sharing our stories – if only we can overcome the shame and actually do it.
As usual I would welcome any comments or suggestions about the above piece. Please contact me via social media – or leave a message below.
Comments
Hi Steve, this is a great piece. Thank you for mentioning Gamhelp Kenya. It is our pleasure to serve the community.
Comments are closed.