Why? Well the basic premise of co-counselling is to give “free attention” to the person working (the client) which is not too far away from listening without interruption to a “therapy” in 12 step. But co-counselling goes much further explaining why free attention is so important and introducing interventions which the co-worker (counsellor) can use and which the client is free to accept or reject in the agreed session time.
I have listed 5 reasons why I think Co-counselling is so good for 12 step people and compulsive gamblers in particular and then I have given some perspective on my journey within co-co.
1) It’s flexible.
In CCI there is no requirement to join anything or to be a part of anything, how much you get involved is up to you. Although there are local groups and on-line communities there is no compulsion to be a part of these and the only requirement to take part in any session or residential is to show that you are a fully trained co-counsellor, (i.e. have successfully completed the 40 hours core training) usually by giving the name of your teacher. Having access to a local group or social media list of contacts does mean that you could call up for a “session” at any time. I remember when I first found out that my father was dead, I rang down the list of co-counsellors in Sheffield until I found someone who was good enough to spare me 30 minutes to talk through my feelings and kept me going until I could meet someone face-to-face, something I haven’t forgotten in over 30 years.
2) It’s cheap.
Cheap, but not free. Unlike 12 step which relies on voluntary donations, there is (usually) an up-front cost to getting into Co-counselling as to learn it you need to take part in a training course which used to be called a “fundamentals” but has now been replaced with “core training” or similar. This should be for a minimum of 40 hours and is taken over a number of days, traditionally at weekends but in these digital times can be at different hours depending on zoom calls etc. The actual cost varies between teachers and the medium used. Very often there will be a discount for the less well off (which compulsive gamblers always are!)
There will be one or two teachers and normally a number of helpers, that is trained co-counsellors who are there for the participants to practice with, (although you will also practice with each other.) So the payment is for the teachers’ time, publicity and hiring of the venue or paying zoom fees etc. The amazing thing is that after this one off cost – all future co-counselling sessions can be free, even over several years. Certainly if you decide to just work with people on-line or in your local area. There are costs involved in residential workshops etc but that is for the venue and facilities and not for the actual co-counselling.
3) It’s a great learning experience.
What makes co-counselling so different from counselling is the co. That’s right, the experience is mutual with the counselling time being divided between the person working (the client) and the person supporting (the counsellor). In your initial training you will learn what it is like in both roles and what I found really useful was to get into the idea that I was in charge of the session when I was in the client role; the counsellor is helping, not directing. So I had to learn what it was like to be a client and I feel I learnt so much. Counsellors worry at the beginning that they will not remember all of the interventions that they are taught – but the bottom line is that “free attention” (the first thing taught) is all you really need and the rest can be learnt by being a client and experiencing it for yourself. I feel I learnt far more in co-counselling than I ever did in my academic training to be a counsellor, much more from the experience of being a “client” in sessions.
4) It’s a very accepting community.
Yes, nothing is perfect and there are fall-outs etc. But the anarchic nature of co-counselling (there is no hierarchy, no paid staffing etc) means that everyone is accepted and can find their place (as long as they are practising co-counselling.)
5) It’s international. This has broadened my horizons, not least the opportunities for going to residentials in Europe and indeed my first trip to continental Europe was taken at the grand old age of 33 to The Netherlands for the CCI residential there. I have not yet been lucky enough to visit CCIs outside of Europe (e.g. the USA and NZ) but I have met several co-counsellors from those countries which has also widened my experience.
What makes Co-counselling so different for me (apart from the fact that the client is in charge) is the notion that working on our held back emotions is the key to making changes. Co-counselling works on identifying emotional aspects to our problems – looking at where these have come from (often childhood issues not dealt with at the time) discharging the emotions connected with them in a safe space and then most importantly seeing more clearly what needs to be done so that goal setting for the future can take place.
I must admit then when I first started in co-counselling I was all for the discharge – it felt so good! Whether this was letting go of anger (often by beating up beanbags) to laughing myself stupid or having a good cry. The point is though – that things become a lot clearer once the emotional “baggage” has been dealt with (although it may take several sessions to do that.)
I also found that although it was useful to go through the process of the session, I often found that goal setting or “taking something from” the session was more difficult for me. But perhaps it wasn’t as important to me then as it is now, as now I set daily, weekly and monthly goals (although I don’t always reach them.)
So, if you are convinced that CCI co-counselling could be what you need in your life – how do you go about getting involved.
The first step would be to see if there are any teachers in your area. (Although your area could be expanded now that some training is available online.) There is a list of co-counselling trainers here and they can be contacted to see if any training is being planned for the near future. At the time of writing I know a “live” training is taking place in the English Midlands for example and the contact for this is John Talbut at his email address, jt@dpets.uk. I was of the pre-internet age so cannot comment on how online co-counselling training works – but I am sure if you wanted to do this and then meet up with some co-counsellors in the “real world” that would be possible and a list of co-counsellors nearest to you should be available when you “graduate.” There are also co-co groups on facebook, whatsapp and other social media. You can, of course, also contact me through this page if you have any questions or feel you need specific information.
Co-counselling was life-changing for me and I don’t think I am alone in feeling that. It is a bit of a commitment to give up 40 hours or so to do the initial training and many more hours in terms of using it and becoming comfortable with the process, but the rewards for me have been extraordinary and I cannot imagine what my life would be like now if I hadn’t seen that small poster in a health food shop in Glossop and thought this would be one way of making sure I had two weekends free from gambling!
