I know this is a special day for a lot of people – but I am one of the ones who struggle with it.
Why? Well perhaps because it is very much a family occasion, and I have no family. Perhaps because it is so commercialised and removed from its original religious intent. But I think the main reason I find Christmas so hard is the painful memories it brings up. In my early childhood, when my father was still around – his gambling meant that we did not have the lovely Christmas that I heard of from friends and on the TV screens. Ours was one filled with arguments over the lack of presents (my father regularly gambled Christmas money away) and not being able to go anywhere through lack of funds. Later, when he had left, my mother got so depressed at Christmas that she often would stay in bed all day – so that I had to cook the dinner and eat it alone.
When I escaped the “family home” and moved in with my future wife and her family, my mother was upset that I was not spending Christmas with her – but she did not want me to bring my girlfriend and I hated being torn in two. More arguments!
Later, when I spent Christmas with “adopted” families – I always felt the odd one out. So, a few years ago I took the decision to spend Christmas alone in different places and really learn to enjoy my own company. So far, I have been to Ireland; Devon and Herefordshire in England, and now France. I have learnt to love it. But I know not everyone is so lucky.
So, if you are alone this Christmas – remember it is only for one day (one day at a time.) Treat yourself to something special – whether that be different food or drink than normal – or a different non-gambling experience. Spend the time at Christmas the way YOU want to, you don’t need to conform to the “norm.”
If you are finding things hard, don’t be afraid to reach out and make a call. The Samaritans in the UK and Befrienders in other countries are all available over Christmas https://www.samaritans.org/ https://www.befrienders.org/
Be kind to yourself and maybe make plans for a wonderful, gamble free, new year!
