My last “slip” happened like this. I had been working on deliveries and wanted a drink at the end of the shift, so stopped in a pub I didn’t know.
It had slots. I sat opposite one machine and noticed that it had a win line. Someone had won but had come straight off.
“It might hold” was my thinking and before I even knew what I was doing a coin was going into the machine. It didn’t hold so more money went in and I may have had a small win, but before long I had run out of the small amount I had on my person. Next I was thinking about where the nearest cash point might be – how I could “hold” the machine whilst I was gone … how much cash I could afford to lose.
Then it hit me – that I wasn’t bored any more.
Indeed my brain was overloaded with thoughts about how I could carry on gambling and of course there was another lesser voice telling me that I was wrong to be carrying on gambling … a voice that I was ignoring.
But over-riding all that was the thought that I WAS NO LONGER BORED. The reason for gambling was no longer there so I could stop now – whilst my losses were small.
So boredom was a huge trigger for me – and unfortunately it took me several years to realise it.
It was the kind of boredom which meant that i would just automatically think about gambling – and if I was in an environment where it was possible then the worst would usually happen.
If you notice boredom is a trigger for you – what to do.
1) Fight the boredom – find something else interesting to do which does not include gambling.
In a pub situation it would be leaving the area where the machine is and finding something else to take my interest – talking to someone (something that I think I along with other gamblers am not good at.
Or reading something available there or on my phone. I know that on-line addiction is more difficult – but getting out of the house and maybe talking to someone either online or by phone (a helpline if necessary) will take the edge off the boredom.
2) Become more comfortable with boredom.
I have read in some books about co-dependency that we tend to create what we had in our childhood. Because I had a chaotic childhood (a gambling father and a depressed mother) I never knew what I was going to come home to, whether it be a stand-up blazing row between them or the cold silent treatment I got when my mother was really down.
So if things were on an even keel in later life, then it would be great for a short while but eventually I would feel that it was boring.
And being bored I would need to spice things up again. When I was on my own and the only place I could visit outside my room was the local pub – then the fruit machine (slot) became my friend, so I played to relieve the boredom. Eventually that got hard wired into my brain and boredom = gambling.
Co-dependency theory suggests that we make a friend of boredom. We do things that we may have thought of as boring – but find enjoyable in small doses and we string these out and try and make them as interesting as possible. I enjoyed writing but never could do it for very long, but started going to classes and did a stint as a performance poet. I also took up dancing – partly as a way of connecting with people.
Walking has become a habit for me and I really enjoy it but I am sure that in my gambling days I would have found it boring.
Being bored isn’t worth gambling for. It isn’t worth going into debt for. It isn’t work risking your health and well-being for. It isn’t worth risking your wealth for.
It is worth saying that gambling can quite often start as a positive solution to another problem.
I WAS bored when I was in a bedsit in a strange town where I knew no-one.
I WAS too shy to make friends – I DID need something to keep my brain occupied – I can see why I was gambling.
I had to learn to solve those problems (the shyness, the boredom, the keeping occupied) in different ways. Whilst I was gambling I was just putting those problems on hold – I hadn’t solved them.
Coping with boredom is necessary for staying stopped.
Gambling takes up a lot of our time and thought. the act of gambling, planning to gamble, obtaining funds to gamble, covering our tracks and more.
That is a lot of void to fill when we stop.
Planning how we are going to fill that time is key.
When we get bored we will inevitably think about gambling – then the urges come and then …
SO KEEP BUSY – Find your own cure for boredom – enjoy a non-gambling life!
