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Day: 30 November 2020

Reflections on Experts …

Recovery

30th November 2020

12 mins
4 years
1,698 word
4

Reflections on Experts …

“… people are ‘fed up’ with experts.

Read more here

What makes an "expert?"

One evening I was monitoring the “live chat” ( just checking that no-one was left on their own,) on one of the gambling recovery sites, when a new name popped up. We exchanged pleasantries and I asked if he was having any problems at the moment. The subsequent exchange went something like this.

“Why do you ask?”

“Well, because this is a gambling recovery site and people usually come here for a reason. Do you need any help”

“Who are you?”

“Well I am Steev and I am a recovering gambler – so just checking if you need anything.”

“Do you work for the site?”

“No, but I am a regular here.”

“So, you are just a random person!”

And with that he left!

I was a bit astonished. I could have said, “yes, I am random, but I do have the same problem as you, though I have been free from gambling for over 10 years. I have a degree in Psychology, a post-graduate diploma in counselling, over 30 years in and out of recovery including a number of years serving Gamblers’ Anonymous including being their National Secretary for over 12 months.

I could be charging upwards of £45 per hour for my time – but you have me for 30 minutes for free.

Now of course I may have misinterpreted the situation and it may be that he specifically wanted to talk to someone from the charity. I will never know, I have never seen him again. But it did set me thinking about the nature of professionalism and what makes someone an expert.

I guess Compulsive Gambling is the nearest thing that I have any sort of expertise in, (well maybe English Language speaking – and going to the loo of course!)

But did I obtain my “expertise” through the experience I have from having had the problem? Or through listening and learning from others that have the problem? From going to lectures on it – working on addiction issues in my counselling training? Maybe reading books and articles; or taking part in chat sessions and on forums on various recovery websites?

Does having letters after my name confer on me the wisdom of one who knows, or does that come from having actually given up? Having walked the walk?

Walking the walk

One of the British politicians connected to the Brexit debate recently said that people were “fed up with experts.” Is that the case and if so where does that leave us? I am very aware that addiction is not something that can be tackled alone. In all the years I have been involved in recovery I have never known anyone recover solo. (Although to be fair if they kept it to themselves how would I know?)

Is part of the resistance that if I perceive someone trying to help who has not had the problem themselves, then they have no clue as to what I am going through? Is that why people often want to find therapists who have had the problem that they are coming with? (I have worked with many people with family issues, even though I have no immediate family of my own!)

Now I think this issue is really important, because the fewer barriers there are to people getting well the better. If I am put off from seeking help because I think I will not be understood by a professional; or on the other hand I feel a lay person isn’t qualified to help me, then the only person who is going to continue to suffer is myself.

There is an inherent power imbalance either way, one by way of qualifications and the other by experience; the “done that, seen that, worn the t-shirt approach.” I guess I could be guilty of both.

Even in “non-hierarchical” approaches to therapy, such as 12 step groups or co-counselling, there can be a feeling that people who are more experienced, have more contacts or are in some sort of position, such as holding an office or being a teacher are “in charge” and have more power than an ordinary member. Does this get in the way of people finding their own power? As long as people are being helped, does this matter?

2 people chatting at a bar in France — Informal counselling?

The original situation, quoted above, was not of someone worried about how powerful I was – in fact it was quite the opposite, someone who thought I was just a person off the street who had no knowledge about these matters.

But then how would he know, and more to the point, how do people seeking help sift through the information and advice given by different people to find those that are worth listening to? It goes back to the salient question – what makes someone an expert?

Is this what I am trying to do by writing this blog; setting myself up as an expert so that people will listen to me more?

A friend of mine who is a life coach, told me that he gets this a lot; people come to him for advice and so he gives it and then they proceed to ignore it and decide for themselves. Then when things don’t work out they say that the advice they were given was crap.

So maybe giving advice is not the way forwards? Maybe the way forwards is some form of self-empowerment. Allowing people to become their own experts on things and sort out things individually.

Is this possible in compulsive gambling? Well believing that change is possible is a good first step. I know that change IS possible because I have seen other people recover from CG and so I know if they can do it then so can I.

I will state that again. I know that change is possible because I have seen other people recover from CG and so I know if they can do it so can I.

There are an awful lot of I’s in that one sentence.

And that is the important bit – that I. Because if I look at other people recovering from CG and think that it is too hard or too much trouble or they have a different form of gambling or they have more staying power … or, or, or – then I am not going to learn from them. I need to believe in myself first and I think that is the difficult place to get to.

Once I believe in myself, then I can then look at how they went about it – learn from those experts … experts in their own gambling. What are the common tools and threads that they use to combat the urges and triggers that they face. How did they get support for themselves. What strategies did they use to find other things to do to take the boredom out of life which leads to gambling thoughts.

Because once I believe in myself – I can adapt their strategies to my own particular circumstances.

I’ll give you an example. I am not only an only child, but my parents both died when I was in my 30s and I have no known other family. That is a pretty rare situation.

So strategies such as “let someone else take care of your finances” wouldn’t work for me – because there was literally no-one close enough for me to trust with that.

Okay – that is the negative of the situation. But what are the positives? Well I am not answerable to anyone. I can use strategies that may not be acceptable to someone living within a family situation. For example – it would be (and has been) a lot easier for me to move to a different part of the country or overseas to get away from visual triggers like the nearby arcade or people who I used to gamble with. Whilst gambling in another country is not impossible – the language difference is another barrier which I have used to my advantage.

Prices of cameras in a German shop

So looking for the positives in your own unique situation and using these to overcome gambling can be another strategy. Looking at things from a different point of view – a skill which a good counsellor will possess is one of the reasons why counselling may be helpful.

Visiting a counsellor is not the same as seeing an expert (in gambling or anything else.) Their expertise is having learnt to be with people on their own journeys and help them along the way. They can reflect back what I am saying in such a way that I can see if I am making sense to myself.

In fact, I think this is why recovery is very much a community project. It is only by seeing myself reflected in others that I can work out what I need to do to get better.

Which takes me back to the start. I was one of the people in that interaction; how could I have done better? If I had said I was connected with the site – would that have made a difference, would the guy have stayed, would he have listened?

What can we ever do for others when we are essentially on our own with this problem?

I guess one of the answers for me is this blog. I am using this to connect with people who may have a gambling problem or want to find out more about it. It is my gift to the world. I feel it is also part of my own healing.

I want to show that being in recovery is not always straightforward. Okay, I don’t think I am in any danger of gambling again in the foreseeable future – but I am in danger of falling into a trap of continually feeling sorry for myself and looking back at what could have been, if I hadn’t been seduced by the bright lights and sound of coins falling out of the machines.

If in some cases (like the original scenario) my words fall on deaf ears (in that case I didn’t even get my words out!) Then so be it. All I can do is wave and say – I was there once … so maybe I can help you.

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